Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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