oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
