Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
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I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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