listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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