I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
