I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.