eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
