It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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