I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
