Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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