I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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