i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
