Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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