the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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