You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
