Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize