Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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