Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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