don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.