it was like his penis was on wheels.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think pants incapable of making pants work