he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.