He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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