He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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