just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
