I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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