you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
