he told me I talked like a deaf person
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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