I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
