no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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