ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
