he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
