So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just had sex bonerless
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found a bag of teeth...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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