Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
