so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
