it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
