i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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