remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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