ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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