sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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