i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
