Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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