i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
