My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
