do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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