When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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