She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
