then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
