some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
