there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
