may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
