I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
