I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I want is dick and wine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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