Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
