Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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