hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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