Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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