I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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