yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
