You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
