i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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