even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
