They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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