Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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